I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
