Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
