I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize