he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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