we made out on top of his cat.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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