i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
