So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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