...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
