Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
