wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
