he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
