You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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