Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
