some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
