bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
