i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
