I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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