Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
