You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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