Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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