I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
