he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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