I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
