Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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