Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize