apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
