I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
