I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
