and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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