C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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