So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
