im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
