how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
