Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize