I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
