So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
