tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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