Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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