I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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