i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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