Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize