my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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