Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
