i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
