They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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