i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
