Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
