I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize