i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
