I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
