I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
