I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
