So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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