he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
