Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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