Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
