I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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