Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
