Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
