So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
