When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
