glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize