I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
