i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
