but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
