Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
