It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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