More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize