Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
