he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
