He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
