You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
