i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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