I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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