Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
