you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
