I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
