All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
