Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
