Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
