just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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