how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
