I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
