i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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