I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
