I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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