How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
