Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
