i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
