I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
