If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
