My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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