I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize