oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
