I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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