I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
