i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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