I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
