Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
