i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my poor anus
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
