you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
