I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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