The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize