I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
