please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
