He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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