is your mom at the bar?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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