in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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