you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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